


give me back my heart you wingless thing (or maybe don't)

by mendokayalways



Series: Quarantine One-shots (Multi-fandom) [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Amputation, Canon Divergence, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, S4 AU, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, attempted self-amputation, no beta we die like men, this is very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23721070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mendokayalways/pseuds/mendokayalways
Summary: Inspired by that scene from X-Men: The Last Stand where baby Angel is trying to get rid of his wings.And also the title which is a prompt I found somewhere on tumblr.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Series: Quarantine One-shots (Multi-fandom) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711588
Comments: 10
Kudos: 100





	give me back my heart you wingless thing (or maybe don't)

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: give me back my heart you wingless thing  
> If this is a prompt you posted, please claim it. I'm sorry I didn't give you a shout-out, I can't remember who posted.

She’s wringing her hands as she steps into the private elevator. Their partnership, friendship had been so tumultuous these past few weeks. She’s gonna make sure they’re okay. Or she’s gonna try. As the doors ding open, all she sees are the lights of the city coming in through the balcony. It’s dark in the apartment, very dark.

“Lucifer?” she calls out.

“Detective?” His voice sounds pained, almost like he’d been crying.

She slowly moves into the apartment. “Lucifer? Are you okay?”

“Detective, what are you doing here?”

“Can you come out here and talk to me? What’s going on?”

“I—Just leave Detective. You shouldn’t see this. Please.”

This stops Chloe in her tracks. Lucifer doesn’t plead with her. Not like this. She sees light coming in from under the bathroom door.

“I’m coming in Lucifer.”

She slowly pushes the door open, expecting some resistance. There is none. She knew that knowing Lucifer’s true identity would mean eventually seeing things she’d never be able to unsee. She never knew that it would come to this. The sight before her is horrific. Lucifer on his knees, with bat-like wings protruding from between his shoulder blades, and deep wounds oozing blood from his back as if he tried to gouge the wings out. The wings themselves don’t have a dent in them.

He looks up at her horrified face with blood-shot eyes and grit teeth, sweat and tears pouring down his face. “Detective...I—please. Go away, please.”

His breath hitches as she takes in the scene, trying to process what she’s seeing. She looks into his eyes. “Lucifer...what happened?”

A sob makes its way through his mouth. “My wings...they changed. They won’t go back to how they were. I can’t even cut them off. They won’t go away. I—I don’t know what to do.” Fresh tears pour down his face as he moves the knife in his hand towards his back. This finally pushes her into moving. She grabs the knife and pulls it from his weakened grip. He looks at her with a renewed sense of hope. “You...you make me vulnerable Detective. You can...Can you cut them off?”

This shakes her to her very core. “What? Lucifer, no!”

The expression on his face drops as if he mentally put up another wall between the two of them. “Of course. Sorry. I don’t want you to have to deal with this. Please, go home.”

Her mouth opens and closes as she tries to figure out what to say. “No. _Fuck_ no Lucifer. I’m not leaving you here to keep hurting yourself. You’re trying to amputate yourself.”

His wings—oh _god_ , he has wings—shudder. He gestures to them. “I don’t want them. They’re not mine. They’re evil.” 

A memory comes to the forefront of her mind: the prophecy.

“When the devil walks the earth and finds love, evil shall be released,” she mutters under her breath.

Lucifer moans in pain and fear. She throws the knife (and the thought) away from them into the dark and grabs a washcloth. She soaks it in warm water and starts dabbing at the deep gouges. She gently places a hand on his shoulder to give her some leverage. His breath shudders, due to the pain or her touch, she doesn’t know. She has more important things to worry about right now. She carefully wipes the blood off his back and the soles of his bare feet. She finds a basic first aid kit under the sink and dresses the wounds. She moves around to face him.

“You’ll heal when I leave?” she asks gently.

He doesn’t look up at her, but he shakes his head. “I borrowed one of Maze’s infernal knives. I’ll heal eventually.”

The lump in her throat seems to grow two sizes and her eyes burn with unshed tears.

“Okay then. I won’t leave.” He finally looks at her. His eyes look bleary and his face is flushed from pain and exhaustion. He takes her outstretched hand and shakily stands. He’s shirtless but dressed in trousers which are completely ruined. She squeezes his hand before turning and going into the bedroom. The bloody curved knife is lying on the floor. Her heart is beating rapidly. She picks it up and puts it on the dresser. She roots through the drawers before finding a pair of sweatpants. She walks back to the bathroom where she finds Lucifer standing and staring at the doorway as if waiting in place for her return. She hands him the pants. “Change. I’m waiting right outside. Okay?”

He nods. He smiles weakly, “Not going to stay for the show Detective?”

She smiles back, vaguely relieved by the return of his bad jokes. “Maybe another time,” she says.

She turns away from him just as a few tears slip down her cheeks. Her chest hurts and she presses her hand over her heart and takes a deep breath. She turns the lights on and dims them in the bedroom. She cleans the knife, wraps it, and puts it away in her purse. She sits on the bed and scrolls through her phone aimlessly, trying to calm herself. The bathroom door finally opens, Lucifer’s wings are nowhere to be seen but he’s in sweatpants and has his silk robe wrapped around him. He goes to the other side of the bed and slips under the covers, still in his robe. She removes her shoes and turns to face him. She sits cross-legged and just watches him stare at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly.

“Why?”

“I—I don’t know.”

“When did your wings change?”

“I came home today, and they didn’t feel right.”

“What happened today?”

“I broke up with Eve. I spoke with you. I had therapy with the good doctor.”

She remembers that conversation with him. She remembers the hurt and her urge to try and fix it which led her to this moment right now.

“Anything in particular that stands out in any of those conversations?” she asks, every ounce of her control going into making her voice steady.

“I-I told the doctor about everything. As I do. And she poked and prodded. As she does. Metaphorically of course. I had the revelation of this feeling that I have within myself.”

“Which is?” she asks softly.

He finally ends his staring contest with the ceiling and turns to look at her. A single tear traces its way down his cheek. “I hate myself.”

Chloe tries to swallow the immovable lump in her throat. “Well then. We can work on that.”

Lucifer nods. They stay there in silence. Chloe sits leaning against his headboard watching him slowly drifting off. Her heart hurts as she stares at him. Her heart hurts and she stares. She tries to pretend like she doesn’t know why her heart hurts. She pretends until she’s too tired to pretend.

 _Shit_ , she thinks as she brushes away the last remnants of his tears from his flushed cheeks. His face doesn’t even twitch under her touch.

 _Shit_ , she thinks as she looks at his exhausted unconscious face, _you have my heart_.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is sad. I'm sad. You can make me feel better by leaving a nice review in the comments and/or kudos.  
> You can follow my tumblr to witness a true mess @mendokayalways.


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